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"Snide and aloof?" He jokes softly.

"Obviously." Bodhi shifts a bit to look up at him more easily, shifting his weight a little more onto Hux. "If you just want to be complimented for a bit, that's easy, I can do that."

He settles his hand back down to make sure Bodhi is comfortable.

"Much as my ego would like that, I don't think it lends itself well toward coming at this relationship as equals."

Bodhi considers this as levelly as he can, relaxing a bit more as this continues to somehow not blow up on him. "I don't know why. I mean, you said yourself, you like being flattered a bit. How's it different from bringing caf or book recommendations?"

"Indulge me. You rebels all like to preach about how you're equal to each other. Years of climbing the hierarchy have made lower ranks unappetizing to me. I do like being flattered, but..I don't know, I suppose I don't ever want you to feel like you have to in order to keep your position in this bed. Does that make sense?"

He suspects that explaining he was never a rebel again would be a bit of a wasted effort. Instead he nods shallowly, because any more of a gesture would involve digging his chin into Hux. "That's... not why I do it." His generalized dread of what happens when Hux realizes this is a ridiculous mistake notwithstanding, he doesn't really take specific actions to prevent it happening. "I just know you like it. And watching your reactions is kind of fun." Which sounds less diabolical than the rush of satisfaction that comes with, that little rush of power. "Same as shoulder rubs, finding animal related books on weird shelves, that kind of thing." Kriff, he's already made a fool of himself. "Stuff that makes you happy, because I like doing that?"

It's an odd feeling, having someone else care about his personal happiness. Hux is still getting used to caring about such trivial things himself.

He smiles, feeling strange about it, and pats Bodhi's shoulder from the arm that's being crushed underneath him.

"You're a soft thing, aren't you?"

It's too altogether lopsided a thought for Bodhi to reject it flatly like he would a compliment. But it's also clearly intended to be, well, soft in turn, and he has to think for a moment before he can manage an answer. "By nature, maybe? I... haven't had too many chances at it." He's careful about the phrasing. Yes, he came up in a hard world, but he had a much easier start than being raised as a human siege engine by a monster.

"I wonder what it's like. To just..live in someone else's world, see yourself through their eyes." He muses.

"This is a luxury to even think of this. I don't know if retirement is going to suit us."

Bodhi frowns a little, feeling remiss. Hux has carefully teased out of him what he wants, in fits and starts and little reveries, but he's been too timid to ask the same questions back. He's not going to argue Hux out of thinking of anything but the bare necessities of survival as luxuries, even the victimless hedonism of enjoying each other's company. "Do... do you want to? I mean, you got it out of me--" And then they babbled about rain and noodles and crumbling mansions for a while. "What's your perfect life?"

"I don't know." He admits. "I used to believe it was at the head of an army, reforming the galaxy. I still would like to do that. There's a lot of clean-up and assuming nothing goes to hell, maybe I'd like to take my soldiers to begin the repopulation process of planets. Assuming I'm not caught and either overthrown or put to death by whatever inane government steps forward to replace to New Republic."

He envies that clarity of purpose, even if it wasn't exactly what he was thinking. "I wish I was as sure as that," he says quietly, afraid as always of pushing. "Though that sounds a lot like politics for someone who hates politics." The teasing is gentle. Sometimes getting a bit of a rise out of Hux's dignity is funny, but not now.

"I hate others mucking up politics far more than I hate politics itself."

It's a clear distinction, Bodhi, jeez.

"Right, right." Bodhi props himself up a little on one elbow, a sacrifice of closeness that probably leaves Hux feeling a little less squished. Easier to watch his reactions, though. And it feels very weird to not only be making eye contact on purpose but being... minimally nervous about it. "So... that's what you want to do. But what do the days look like? I mean, I know cats are there, but...?" What's his sound of rain from inside a cozy house?

He eyes Bodhi as he shifts up, raising his eyebrows.

"What makes you think I've planned that far?"

Bodhi would no more suggest Hux could just not plan than he'd tell the man to stop breathing, of course. "Well, give us a starting point. Just preliminaries."

"Preliminaries." He repeats, skeptical.

"All right. I envision a staff hand-picked by me, loyal and trustworthy, smart and capable, who will advise me on matters of state and keep me informed of the goings-on of my territory.

I would make my home as I have done most of my life; on a capital flagship, Destroyer-class, with 50,000 troops aboard.

Over time I would begin to ease my control over my region and transfer power to those who have proven themselves worthy of it.

And then I would retire from military service, satisfied and happy with my life's work to begin teaching."

Not what he was really thinking of, either, and maybe not what he was hoping to hear. But there's still that purpose, that clarity that he can admire, and the perfectly simple utility of it. It's a good, clear plan. Sensible. "The teaching part, how's that go?"

"I run a lecture hall of mostly young teens to young adults, all hand-picked in their fields and with outstanding promise. I give speeches on what I have learned in my many years of service."

This mostly matches Bodhi's experiences of education. Knowing the little he does about Hux's upbringing, an officer without even the comfort of his peers, Bodhi chooses not to tell him just now what his chances of a rapt audience are. "I know you're a good speaker with an audience of one," he says instead. Maybe he is a little soft.

"You tune me out more often than not. Anyway; it's just a dream. Dreams fluctuate and change; who knows if I'll have the same one in a year or so?"

Bodhi actually looks a little affronted for a moment, a flicker across the contended agitation that's been animating him to an unusual state of open enthusiasm. He's perky enough that the shift is visible, however brief. "No I don't," he says with equally uncommon firmness. "But, well, yeah, about dreams, sure." And there it goes.

"Really?" Hux sits up, surprised. "I don't bore you with my treaties on government-run programs or how to balance an army budget?"

He sort of thought that was obvious, and he looks a little bashful not because he can find anything to be ashamed of here (even he's not that good), but because of the attention. "I love listening to you." The word isn't as weighty as it sometimes is, but it's still a deliberate choice. This is a little more touchy than the compliment game, because Bodhi's feelings are wrapped up in it, too. There are a few stand-out moments along the way, but he fell for Hux over lectures and book discussions. "I always learn something, and you're good with helping if I'm lost. And I just like your voice, but that probably doesn't help. With the students."

He flushes across his nose, deeply pleased. So much, in fact, that he takes the opportunity to kiss Bodhi. It's quick and chaste, but Hux isn't given to public or private displays of affection.

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onlyeverdoubted - 2020-06-14 02:34 (UTC) - Expand